Thankful for Grace

Today I'm thankful for grace. The grace of my husband. He got up at some crazy hour in the morning, went to the gym, came home and prepared a meal for the slow cooker so I wouldn't have to make dinner on a busy day, all before the rest of us were out of bed. My job? Simple. Turn it on before I left for work. I remember thinking, wouldn't it be awful if I forgot? I'd have to rush home during my lunch break to turn it on (to which Joel later reminded me that raw chicken sitting out for 5 hours wouldn't really be in the "ready to cook" state).

Anyways, you all know where this story is going. I picked up the boys and headed home, excited to have dinner ready. Joel lifted the lid on the slow cooker to discover it had never been turned on. I immediately felt like an idiot. All of his hard work and a pile of raw food to show for it. He didn't get upset. He didn't make me feel stupid. I didn't even get the "I'm actually upset but trying really hard not to make you feel bad" vibe. Instead he just got to work, whipping up a quick dinner for the boys and declaring his excitement about ordering pizza later on. Despite how amazing he was, I admit I still shed a few tears. I know, it's silly, but I hate disappointing people and I felt so bad.

Tonight my husband was the perfect picture of grace and I'm thankful I get to do life with him. Next time someone messes up, I only hope I can have the same reaction.

Happy Africa Day

I do want to blog. I really do. But life is busy these days and it hasn't been a priority in any free time I have. Lots of topics in my head though and they'll come out, probably more consistently in the summer. Thanks for hanging in.

But I quickly wanted to acknowledge Africa Day which is today. I admit I didn't even know about it until someone posted it on Facebook. Apparently it's a holiday in Zimbabwe, but I don't remember it. Those of you who know me well know that Africa has played a big role in my life. I've actually started writing out my "Africa Story" and will post it eventually. The last time I was there was late 2007 which is way too long. Before that I had made five trips in seven years so it's definitely time. But twin toddlers and life doesn't make it easy at the moment. In the mean time I'll just keep dreaming and praying and hopefully sooner than later I'll be back.

Mother's Day

I am so thankful and humbled in my role as a mom. It's a little scary having two lives you're responsible for, but it's an adventure and a fun one (mostly!). I have to say I am absolutely loving this stage. The boys will be 2 in a few weeks and they are highly entertaining these days. Watching them makes me wish I was a twin. It's such a fun way to grow up. Lately they've been pulling their high chairs together while eating so they can share food and interact. The other day they were hitting each other over the head in a playful way and then sending each other to the corner and laughing hysterically. Perhaps they were mocking our discipline but Joel and I had to laugh. And the other day when I was changing Micah's diaper he looked up at me and said, "You're SO cute!" He must hear that a lot. Their personalities are shining through and I am trying to take in all the little moments. In some ways there are so different but they are definitely best friends.

Yesterday we did our usual Sunday routine...mommy sleeps in, off to church, and our weekly family trip to No Frills. Being a special day we got some Swiss Chalet take out for lunch and later enjoyed a delicious steak dinner at my parents with my brother and his family. My mother's day gift was perfect.... a week of no meal planning, cooking or shopping, for me to redeem whenever I want. I'm looking forward to it! I also had a lot of friends on my mind yesterday. Friends who have lost their moms in recent and not so recent years. Friends who have lost babies through miscarriage and stillbirths. Friends who are finally expecting after a long time of trying. No doubt yesterday was a day of many emotions. But the overwhelming one for me was gratitude for the privilege it is to be a mom.

**No pictures recently as the boys broke my camera. I know, don't let your toddlers play with your camera. Lesson learned! **

The Saga of My Toe

Sometime around mid-March, I was in a rush to get out the door and ended up kicking the side of the stairs really hard. It hurt but no big deal. A few days later it started swelling up to the point of concern. A call to Telehealth confirmed my life wasn't in danger but I should probably go get it checked out. That led to a round of antibiotics to control infection and the orders to soak it with epsom salts four times a day. Who has time to soak their foot four times a day, especially with toddlers who would just think the water was a blast to play with. On my last day of antibiotics I broke out in a rash all over my body. I had also eaten blue cheese for the first time (I know, early 30's and never eaten blue cheese...call me crazy but moldy cheese doesn't appeal to me. But not to worry Wayne, I loved your salad and didn't even know I was eating it)  so we're not sure which of the two I'm allergic to. Allergy testing in July and November will let me know. It was getting to the point where the pain at night was keeping me up. Not fun.

With no improvement I went back to see the nurse practioner who is lovely but I was slightly concerned when her attempt to diagnose involved Google images and some photos I wish I had never seen. She told me to keep soaking it and gave me some anti-fungal cream. Several weeks later, no improvement so I went back to see her again. This time she threw around words like "gout" (yikes!), gave me a round of anti-inflammatories and sent me on my way. Taking those was the first time I saw some improvement but it was short-lived and in the last week it got worse. Time to go back and see my doctor. She was clearly concerned about why it wasn't improving, called in another doctor (who I went to high-school with) for her opinion and threw around a few more words I didn't like. Yesterday involved blood-work and an x-ray plus another round of antibiotics in hopes of getting to the bottom of this. I go back next week where it's possible she will drain it. I don't know exactly what that involves but it doesn't sound like a good time.

So here I am with a toe that's getting worse and no diagnosis. Four appointments, four rounds of drugs, two tests and countless hours with my foot in a bucket. And last night as I was applying my required heat, I'm pretty sure I burned it. Dumb, I know. Sandal season is upon us and sadly I have yet to participate. The number one thing I was looking forward to about our new gym was swimming laps which I've done all of once. I've taken the boys swimming once and had to recruit family members to help the other times while I watched from the deck. Whatever is going on, I've decided to be kind enough not to share it with the public, to the best of my ability. So that is my toe saga (I didn't know it was possible to write three paragraphs about a toe...if you've gotten this far, I'm impressed!) Is it annoying? Yes. Has it taken up a lot of my time? Yes. Is it painful? Yes. But all in all it's just a toe and I will live. I actually find it humorous that something so small can be such a pain and thankfully I've been able to do most things as usual. You can bet that when this is finally dealt with I will be celebrating with a pedicure. Hopefully sooner than later!

Overwhelmed

This is a perfect picture of how I'm feeling today. It was a busy one. After feeding the boys and cleaning up, we went to a program at my brother's church. I worked this afternoon so we left early, dropped the boys at the babysitters and rushed to school in time to eat some lunch before teaching. Then I did the grocery shopping, dropped them off at home (which involved throwing the cold stuff in the fridge/freezer and throwing the rest on the counter) and feeling completely overwhelmed at the messed left that I didn't have time to deal with before leaving this morning. Then I picked up the boys, brought them home and heated up dinner (thanks to Alice's mom for the yummy noodles and not having to cook), sat down with my family and vented to Joel about my day. There were other contributing factors tugging at my emotions but at that point I was on the verge of tears.

I don't tell this for sympathy. Many of you are probably reading this thinking..."yep, that sounds about like a typical day around here." Many, if not most of you are busier than I am. But being busy stresses me out. I don't thrive on running from place to place. I get overwhelmed. I am not the best version of myself. I've come to realize that I need to make better choices. I need to eliminate things from my life that are unnecessary or not useful. Maybe I need to work less and just focus on being a better mom... one that isn't rushed and disengaged because I have to get supper on the table. Maybe I need to delegate some of my responsibilities. Maybe I need to give up some of my expectations of how much I can do and what life can be like at this stage. I know I have some thinking to do. Life is busy. It's inevitable when you're a mom of young kids, but how busy I am is a matter of choice. Time to make some choices!

A Little Break

I haven't been much into blogging lately. If you know me well in real life you'll know that I've taken on a half time teaching position at my school until June. As someone who is a big believer in staying home with my kids, this may seem a little funny but I think it was a good decision for us for a short period of time. Next year I've reduced my contract to one day a week, basically to hold onto my seniority (teaching is a pretty tough field to break into these days) but primarily be home with my boys. It's kind of crazy to think there are only two more years before kindergarten begins...I have many thoughts about schooling brewing in my head so stay tuned for a post about that one! All that to say, I don't have a ton of free time on my hands and the time I do have is being filled with more important things. (For more on that, check out this great article for parents.) I've been enjoying being back at work. I work with an awesome group of people who are tons of fun. Three cheers for hour-long lunch breaks! I love working with students who are new to the country, teaching them English and watching them learn at a crazy fast pace. But working outside the home is busy. More busy than I want to be and as much as a big part of me craves that kind of work and loves the break...because let's be honest, my days teaching are WAY easier than my days at home...it's helped to reaffirm my decision that overall I need to be home. This time is so short!

I always feel on the verge of shutting down this blog. I have a lot going on in my head and sometimes I wonder why in the world I need to share it. If you've followed me from the beginning you'll know that occasionally I go through these periods of insecurity. But I've always said this blog is just as much for me as anyone else. A place to write down my thoughts and look back and see how I've evolved. And if a few of you want to come along for the ride, why not? So here I am. I don't have much to say today, at least not thought-provoking, except that I'm still around. If you're still around too, I would love to know! Leave me a comment, say hello! And stay tuned for more deep thoughts, or at least my random thoughts!

A Recipe or Two

I've been trying to work on my goal of making more wholesome food for my family. I like the idea of eating clean and real food. Thanks to Pinterest I've come across some great recipes that I've put to the test lately so thought I'd share. I'll just link to the original sources so you know where these gems came from.

Chicken Parmesan Bake

I like chicken but I hate cooking it. I love dishes that I can just throw in the oven and be done with it and this one was great. The only part I didn't love were the garlic croutons. I found that layer to be a bit too thick and might just stick with breadcrumbs next time (Arja, I need your version!) but definitely a keeper.

Hearty Chicken Stew with Butternut Squash and Quinoa

This one was yummy, super healthy and a great way to get vegetables into my boys. Quinoa is all the rage these days as it's like a grain but contains protein. You can't go wrong. I didn't add the olives in this one as I'm not sure how it would have gone over with the boys, but next time I think I will to add some flavour.

Baked Sweet Potato Chips

This one has been by far my favourite in the last few months because it goes great as a side with pretty much anything. The two of us could easily down a pan of them and all things considered, they are pretty healthy. I'm sure they'll be part of many a BBQ this coming season.

The delicious finished product!